White Picket Fence Counseling Center Newsletter Archives

Getting Physical – What to Do and What Not to Do

Getting physical isn’t about making a resolution, it’s about making a plan that fits you and your lifestyle. If you’re ready to get into action with more physical activity in your life, start with a plan.

Unlike a resolution, this is something you can start any day of the week, any month of the year. Or at this very moment. Then commit to try it for a few weeks to see how it feels.

A lot of people don’t stick with their programs because they try to do too much, too soon because they have an all-or-nothing mentality. This is a recipe for discouragement at best, injury at worst.

We’ll be talking more next week about how healthy movement can heal body image issues. One of the ways it does this is by giving you ways to nurture the body and treat it kindly. When that is your focus, you’re less likely to do the things that harm your body, such as over-eating, under-eating or over-exercising.

Some of the most nurturing movement options include: 

• Gentle yoga
• Walking outdoors
• Moving to music (dancing)
• Swimming
• Relaxation
• Simple stretching

To choose the right activities for you, consider your health issues, how much time you have, how motivated you are and what appeals to you. Once I worked at an agency and a lot of my co-workers were running 5Ks. One of them said, “C’mon, you can do it with me!” I jogged, but I’d never done a 5K before. When she told me she had placed first for her age category in her first event so I figured, “Hey, I can do this. Maybe I’ll even win!”

Well, it was a humbling experience. Not only didn’t I win, I didn’t even place. And it was an agonizing effort – I was so sore it took a week to recover. Running – and winning – a 5K wasn’t an appropriate goal for me. So please, learn from my mistake and consider your activity goals carefully!

To find time for physical activity, start small. If you’re already doing something, add a little more. Or to start, find 15 minutes – take away some TV time, reading time or even a little sleep time. Some find early mornings are best, so it’s out of the way, but anytime is fine.

I remember when I got my dog. Soleil is a BIG dog who needs to be walked a lot. It was too hard to plan long walks, so we did a lot of 10-minute walks. It wasn’t long before I noticed that I felt much fitter.

Little things add up. You may think that spending time in the garden is nothing, but it’s something. Not all of your physical activities need to have measurable outcomes. If you’re up and moving around, it counts! And when you add a little walk here and a game of catch with the kids there, you’ve got some significant activity! You can call yourself the ultimate cross-trainer.

Don’t underestimate the importance of clothing. I played tennis as a kid, and I remember my father saying, “You’re halfway there if you’re wearing the right clothes.” Just by putting on those tennis whites, I felt empowered and more confident in my skills. I hated to admit it, but my father was right.

Here are some things we don’t typically endorse at White Picket Fence Counseling Center, and why:

• Intense activities such as running, ultra-long workouts, boot camps and hot yoga – we advocate for a more balance, nurturing approach to physical activity
• Exercising outdoors by yourself after dark – we want you to be safe and not put yourself at risk
• Improper footwear such as flip-flops or worn-out sneakers – these won’t provide the support you need and may lead to injury

As I said last week, doing something – anything – is something. Make sure it’s something that appeals to you and feels like you can keep up. Next week, we’ll look at the many benefits of physical activity.

Getting into an Active Mindset

A quick reminder that before you start any new physical activity, it’s essential that you have a physical examination and get clearance from your doctor. This is critically important and must be taken seriously.

Along with a physical check-up, you also want to do a mental check-up in order to get into an active mindset. The first shift you might need to make is with the language you’re using. If the word “exercise” has negative associations for you, simply replace it with “physical activity,” “healthy movement” or another term of your choice.

You might also need to let go of some false beliefs or other forms of distorted thinking about exercise, such as all-or-nothing thinking (“I missed my walk today, so I might as well forget about doing anything else”), disqualifying the positive (“I was late and only did half the yoga class – that doesn’t count”) and should statements (“I should be able to walk as fast as her”).

Aside from the amazing benefits that we’ll discuss more next week, healthy movement can also protect you from the impact of a sedentary lifestyle. An October 2012 study in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, as reported in the New York Times, found some serious health risks of being sedentary, including diabetes, cardiovascular disease and premature death.

So next, update your expectations of what counts as “real” physical activity. I like to remind my clients that when it comes to healthy movement, something is something. You don’t need to jog, lift weights or do anything you don’t want to do, especially in the beginning.

Your goal is to do less nothing (sedentary, passive activities like working at the computer or watching television) and more something (active tasks that get you moving around).

The next thing to get clear in your mind is: Are you ready to start an activity program? If not, you’ll be on an uphill journey the whole way. One way to think of it is to consider where you are in the five stages of change: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance.

If you’re not in the action stage yet – be honest – then ask yourself what you need in order to get there. Maybe it’s professional help, like a therapist, life coach or personal trainer. Maybe it’s personal help like a healthy movement buddy.

Once you’re in action, staying motivated can sometimes be even trickier. We’ll talk more about specific activities next week, but for now I’ll just tell you that I have to mix things up in order to stay motivated, e.g., yoga and walking my dog. I know I would burn out from doing just one thing.

Consider now what might derail your efforts and plan ahead for how to handle those things. For example, if a rainy day ruins your plans for a walk, maybe you could have a playlist or CD handy of some songs you like to dance to.

It’s just like if you relapse with your food behaviors – if you miss a day, or even a week, just pick up and get back on track when you can.

Even if you’ve been told not to exercise for a period of time, you can include “rest” in this phase of your activity plan, and approach it with the same discipline as any other goal. You will still be in the mindset of carrying out your physical treatment plan.

Next week, we’ll talk more about specific activity ideas – what to do and not to do.

How to Deal With Jealousy and Sorrow

As we see all the time in our sessions at the White Picket Fence Counseling Center, relationship problems are at the heart of most eating disorders. Often the underlying angst that’s causing people to act out with food can be traced back to an interpersonal situation.

I’ve been practicing yoga for much of my life, but I recently discovered just how much yoga can be a gift for those in recovery from food addiction and eating disorders. And this includes giving us a tool for how to handle difficult people.

Last week, I revealed the first two “locks” – two types of people that we deal with, and the corresponding “keys” that we can apply. Today, we’ll talk about the final two.

First are the virtuous people, who want to tell us about all of the good things they’ve done and everything that’s going well in their lives. For some of us, this could trigger feelings of jealousy or contempt, and even thoughts of revenge or sabotage so we can take away some of these good things (and maybe keep them for ourselves, as if that was possible!).

Instead, the key to dealing with virtuous people, according to this yoga philosophy, is with sheer and utter delight – celebrating with them and being glad for their success. As I suggested last week, you might need to use the 12-step slogan of “fake it until you make it,” but I guarantee you’ll feel better about yourself and have a more peaceful day.

The fourth and final lock – the type of person that might be difficult for you to deal with – is the wicked person. Just like with unhappy people, it can be uncomfortable or even painful to be with someone who seems downright evil. You may react and want to fix the person or situation, or get away from the person as soon as possible.

The key is to detach; approach this person with disregard or indifference. It’s the ultimate practice of non-attachment and setting boundaries. Letting someone be where they are without needing to take on the emotions or the problem.

12-steps programs such as Al-Anon and CODA help people who are dealing with co-dependency and boundary issues.

By responding with friendliness, compassion, delight and disregard, we can greatly improve our relationships with others. This simple system of locks and keys can bring the peace we find in yoga and mediation out into the real world of our day-to-day lives.

Maybe it can also help us deal more compassionately with ourselves, when it’s us having the negative thoughts or doing other things we’re not proud of. Maybe today we can detach from our suffering, delight in ourselves, feel proud of ourselves and be happy for ourselves.

How to Deal With Unhappy People

In my recent studies of yoga therapy and the principles of yoga, I’ve discovered a fascinating tool that can help us deal with the difficult people.

According to this yoga concept, all of the people you will meet in your lifetime will fall into one of four categories – what they call “locks.” Each one of these can be challenging to us for different reasons.

Take happy people, for example. If you’ve feeling very unhappy yourself, or if you’re dealing with your own suffering, you may feel very out of sync with a happy person. This can feel uncomfortable and you may express that, either consciously or unconsciously, driving a wedge through the interaction.

The “key” for dealing with happy people is to greet them with joy and friendliness. If you’re not feeling that joy, try pretending. There’s an expression in 12-step recovery that suggests, “fake it until you make it.” There is also plenty of scientific evidence that laughing and smiling – even when you don’t feel it – makes you feel happier. And it definitely has a positive impact on whoever you are smiling at!

So what if you come upon an unhappy person? The temptation may be to react, try to fix the person, or even get angry at the person for being negative. With this lock, the key is compassion. Validate the person and allow them to feel what they’re feeling.

Next week, we’ll talk about the remaining two locks and their corresponding keys. Practicing these keys can help to bring peace into your daily interactions and remove the need to use food and unhealthy behaviors to distance yourself from difficult people.

Dealing With Difficult People

Much of what we deal with in counseling sessions with our clients is healing relationships. When you are recovering from food addiction or an eating disorder, difficult relationships can sometimes trigger the compulsion to relapse.

We can use food or exercise in unhealthy ways, or obsess about body image, as defense mechanisms that help us avoid dealing with people. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t given proper relationship skills growing up.

Maybe some of us learned some resiliency, but for the most part we have to constantly learn and re-learn how to navigate relationships, whether at work, in play, at home or in the community. Each lesson usually comes out of painful conflicts that are the underlying cause of our angst.

Whether you’re back in close quarters with family members over the holiday season, or dealing with difficult people at any time of year, the right tools can help you detach from the drama and stay committed to your recovery.

Though I’ve been practicing yoga for years, I’ve recently ramped up my study of yoga therapy and the principles of yoga. We’ve started a yoga therapy program at the White Picket Fence Foundation building, with more groups and classes planned for the future.

I’ve also discovered a fascinating, simple and effective concept for how to stay peaceful in all of the relationships and interactions in your daily life.

While it can seem as though we’re up against many different kinds of relationship problems, this yoga philosophy teaches that there are actually only four types of people we deal with – called “locks.” The beauty of this concept is that for every lock, there is a key!

Over the next two weeks, I’ll share about these four locks and their corresponding keys. With these four keys in your pocket, you’ll have what you need to navigate any interactions, even challenging ones, over the holidays and beyond.

The most important goal is to find peace, whether that’s through meditation, yoga, journaling, therapy, calling a friend or another tool. If we have a serene mind, we’re not in disorder or dis-ease and we don’t have to use or abuse food or our bodies because we don’t have to change the way we feel.

Mindfulness and Meditation Resources for Your Journey

This month we’ve been talking about mindfulness and meditation, including a video about the benefits of meditation and how to open your mind to meditation. Here are a few recommended resources if you would like to learn more about these topics:

Books

• The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson
• Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
• Natural Prozac by Joel Robertson
• Managing Stress by Brian Luke Seaward

Online resources

• Guided imagery recordings and other mindfulness and meditation resources from Health's Journeys by Belleruth Naparstek -
• Expert-recommended books about mindfulness and meditation at Shambhala Publications – including books by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Books and articles by Dr. Susan Albers
• Mindfulness mediation resources by Jon Kabot-Zinn

Recovery resources

For those in 12-step recovery, ask your sponsor or other recovering compulsive overeaters or food addicts about their experiences with Step 11. learning from others who have walked in your shoes can be a powerful and healing experience..

Related articles

A Few Mindful Moments Can Bring Powerful Healing

Open Your Mind to Meditation

What are the Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation? (Video)

Open Your Mind to Meditation

I don't have a perfect meditation practice and you'll rarely find me sitting cross-legged or chanting. Yet I do have a regular spiritual practice that incorporates mindfulness and meditation. For example, I center myself each morning, and sometimes again in between clients or in between work and going home. Sometimes I take a moment for myself before making a phone call, to release whatever I might be thinking about and focus my attention on the present moment.

Meditation doesn't have to look like what you think it will. Open your mind to your own style and examine different resources and classes. At the White Picket Fence Counseling Center, we often hold free introductory classes where you can try things out before you commit.

A lot of people come to our Center to reconnect with themselves, and are surprised to realize that we incorporate so many physical modalities. As we discussed in a previous post, these physical activities can actually improve your brain chemistry, helping you to manage the stress of recovering from an eating disorder.  

You can practice mindfulness by sitting still, but you can also practice it when you're moving around, when you're having a conversation with someone. Imagine mindfully listening to another person! When is the last time you listened that way, concentrating on hearing their words and nuances, witnessing their body language, all without any inner dialogue going on about what you think or what you're going to say next?

There are different levels of mindfulness – you may need to work your up to the more traditional forms of meditation. Some stepping stones might include:

• Guided imagery
• Journaling
• Drawing
• Singing or playing music
• Stretching
• Making a collage
• Doing crafts
• Taking a walk
• Sitting quietly on a bench and watching people
• Experiencing something in beautiful in nature
• Taking a quiet moment
• Looking at art

For more suggestions, please see these previous articles:

Stillness Suggestions

How I Incorporate Spirituality into my Life

Some guided meditations instruct you to connect, mentally, with different parts of your body, for example to imagine your muscles clenching and then relaxing. For those with an eating disorder, it may feel too threatening or uncomfortable to connect with certain body parts. My advice? Start with your feet.

Most people find it safest to connect with the feet – though it's not always easy. At a recent training for MY Therapy (a combination of mindfulness and yoga therapy), when the instructor asked us to connect with our feet, we all laughed when we realized we had all looked down instead of just imagining our feet.

So open your mind to the idea of mindfulness, and find a gentle way to introduce this powerful practice into your life. You'll be amazed at the gifts you may find inside your mind.

What are the Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation? (Video)

Meditation can help you get in touch with your feelings and gain awareness of things that are going on that may be causing you stress and leading you to restrict or overeat. Therapy and meditation can both be catalysts that clear away stuff so people can resolve things themselves and self-activate.

As you'll see in this video, meditation may reveal things you don't like or aren't ready to deal with. That's why it can be helpful to have the support of a therapist, therapy group, 12-step group, sponsor or trusted friend who can help you process your experiences and feelings.

Watch the Benefits of Meditation, by Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace: 

 

Meditation can help you uncover what's going on, and talking that out in therapy or other safe settings can help you get centered and clear to make healing changes. And maybe even reach enlightenment along the way.

A Few Mindful Moments Can Bring Powerful Healing

Whether you're someone who's not ready or interested to pursue a spiritual life, or someone who's looking for the way to strengthen a connection, mindfulness is an approach that is accessible to everyone.

At White Picket Fence Counseling Center, we hear a lot of people say things like, "I'm so bright in other areas of my life – why can't I get this?" or, "I've been so successful in my career, but I just can't get control of my eating or food issues."

The simple truth is that eating disorders don't make sense. We need to make sense of them. And the only way to do that is to tune in to what's going on inside. Not just in our minds (we're so used to living "from the neck up") but in our whole bodies.

Last month on the blog we talked about the mind-body disconnect of eating disorders, and how yoga is one very effective way to reconnect. A big part of yoga is an invitation to be still and look inwards, listening to your body (on and off the mat) and listening to your mind.

In yoga we call it meditation, but if that doesn't feel right for you, call it mindfulness. Being mindful of who you are, where you are, what you feel, what you know and what you want.

Some people have used the analogy of plugging yourself in, the way you would your cell phone. Whether you're re-charging, or even charging up for the first time, getting quiet and practicing mindfulness can help you achieve the feeling of being centered, or grounded.

When you're lost in the compulsion, obsession, discomfort and unease of an eating disorder, you can feel pretty out of control and out of reach. That's why virtually every recovery and treatment method recommends some form of mindfulness as a way of reconnecting the body and mind.

If you're still not convinced that mindfulness is worth the time or effort, consider this:

Imagine that you're driving along the road and all of a sudden someone pulls out in front of you and you're forced to slam on your brakes to avoid an accident. What's going on in your body at that point? Your muscles are probably clenched, as is your stomach (where digestion has actually stopped, so that the rest of your body's systems will be ready for whatever stressor you're facing). Your heart is probably racing from the urge of adrenalin.

In psychological terms that's called the fight or flight response, and it's a really good illustration of the mind-body connection. The good news is that just as anxious thoughts can cause stressful reactions in the body, so can relaxing thoughts cause healing reactions in the body.

And just as good news, relaxing bodywork can soothe the mind from anxious thinking to more positive and hopeful, actually altering your brain chemistry in the process. So we can see how mindfulness helps to heal both physical and emotional pain. Here is an article from Psychology Today about a research study that demonstrates how meditation positively alters the brain: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/choke/201110/meditation-small-dose-big-effect.

Over the next few weeks on the White Picket Fence Counseling Center blog, we'll explore the benefits of mindfulness, as well some methods and tools that you can start using right away – even just a few minutes per day could make a big difference to your mind, body and yes, your soul.

Yoga Resources for Recovery from Eating Disorders

If you would like a very gentle start to your yoga practice, I recommend the book yoganap: Restorative Poses for Deep Relaxation by Kristen Rentz. It contains restorative yoga poses, designed for complete relaxation. The author is a professional during the week and a yoga instructor on the weekend. Her instructions are easy to understand and the exercises are totally doable. There are even some poses you can do from your desk at work!

For further reading, you can explore the Yoga Journal website at http://www.yogajournal.com/.

How the Principles of Yoga Can Help Heal Food Issues

Though I've been practicing yoga for years, it was in my recent yoga teacher training program when I started to realize the broad implications of the benefits of yoga. Just as the book Living Your Yoga implies, there are many places in our everyday life where yoga can apply.

Here are some of the yoga principles that have come up most often as I have counseled people with eating disorders and food addiction to "live their yoga."

• Letting go – instead of using food behaviors to bury uncomfortable feelings, let them go
• Getting centered – instead of feeling pressured and anxious, pause and come back to the present moment where you can make more self-compassionate choices
• Connecting to other people and to a higher power – food has been barrier between you and other people
• Tolerating discomfort – learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings will give you the power to move through them without using food or food behaviors
• Taking time to relax and regenerate – instead of feeling intimidated by silence and stillness as they compete with your busy mind, let it all go and give your body and mind the break they need
• Being grounded – feel a sense of support and connection to the earth below
• Soothing yourself – instead of reaching for food or other harmful behaviors, learn to self-soothe in healthy ways
• Surrounding yoursef with beauty – empower your sense of self-worth by choosing to indulge in healthy forms of joy and pleasure
• Witnessing without reacting – let go of judgment and practice accepting things as they come

If you're interested in learning how to apply these principles in your own life in recovery, watch for more details about our yoga classes. For those who want to go deeper, we will offer small yoga therapy groups and private yoga therapy.

Yoga practice is a safe place where you can feel both relaxed and energized. Through yoga you can learn to use these principles and apply them to your whole life, gaining clarity and a sense of rejuvenation, and freedom from the stressors of an eating disorder.

The Mind-Body Disconnect of Eating Disorders

For people with eating disorders, there's a clear disconnect between body and mind – it's like living from the neck up. Because that reconnection is so vital to recovery, many treatment methods are designed to realign the mind, body and spirit.

Getting back that connection helps people find acceptance, awareness and appreciation for their bodies, which naturally leads to wanting to take better care of themselves.

Drawing on my recent experience with yoga teacher training, and in partnership with some of my colleagues who are already registered yoga teachers and yoga therapists, we now have yoga and yoga therapy at the White Picket Fence Foundation.

Yoga is much more than just postures. In fact, some of my therapy clients have been benefiting from my yoga experience for years, as I've incorporated relaxation techniques like breathing exercises, guided imagery and meditation.

The benefits of yoga are well researched, and it is a natural fit to help with food issues. For example, many people have a problem with overeating or restricting during stressful times.Yoga works directly upon the nervous system to evoke relaxation and diminish stress. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system that promotes rest and regeneration and reduces the fight or flight response that brings anxious, stressful feelings.

In the next article, we'll explore some of the principles of yoga and how they can be applied to recovery from eating disorders.

Yoga Therapy – A Personal Note from Sandee

Clients are often curious about what I do when I'm not working at the Center. Like most of you, there are many things that keep me busy – sometimes I joke that I have to go pay to relax. My favorite method of relaxation is yoga, and it's one of the main ways I incorporate spirituality into my life.

As part of a recent yoga teacher training, I wrote a paper called "Better Body Esteem," about how a yoga program I designed can address so many of the body image issues that accompany eating disorders and food addiction.

On the cover of my paper is a photo of my mother in a red one-piece leotard, upside down in a headstand. It was my mother who instilled my love of yoga, and now that she is no longer living, I dedicated the paper to her.

The teacher training was an amazing experience. I met wonderful people I wouldn't have met otherwise (here is a photo of me with some of my classmates), including some that you will be seeing around the White Picket Fence Counseling Center in the coming weeks and months, as we create new programs to bring you the benefits of yoga.

Some people object to the idea of yoga because they feel it conflicts with their religious practice. Our approach will be completely non-religious, and while we believe that spirituality is a key part of the recovery journey, it will be up to you to decide how deep you want to go.

With our limited space, we're going to focus on one-on-one yoga therapy and small yoga groups – including some classes that will be free for the community. So please stay tuned!

For the rest of this month, I'll be presenting more information about how yoga and yoga therapy are uniquely suited to assist people recovering from eating disorders and food addiction.

Books and Resources for the Recovery Stage

Life Without Ed is a book that I recommend to anyone who struggles with anorexia or bulimia. By creating a persona named Ed, representing the eating disorder, author Jenni Schaefer teaches the reader how to separate the person from the problem. I heard Jenni speak at a conference of the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals (IAEDP) and what a gift it was to be in her presence – she's like a guru in this field and has helped so many people.

At the conference, Schaefer and co-presenter Michael Berrett, PhD spoke about how finding reasons to change helps eating disorder clients to reclaim their lives. Jenni also spoke more about the life she is continuing to build now that she is free of her own eating disorder, including writing a second book called, goodbye ed, hello me.

I also recommend Regaining Your Self, by Ira M. Sacker, M.D. Sacker is Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, New York University Medical Center and Bellevue Medical Center. He is also the Founder, President and Medical Director of HEED Foundation, Inc. (Helping End Eating Disorders), a not-for-profit organization, and the co-author of Dying to Be Thin. This book helps explain how an eating disorder can be your identity, and so recovery must include a grieving process for the loss of that identity. 

How Relationships May Change in Recovery

As soon as you take your first steps in recovery from an eating disorder, your relationships will start to change. By the time you enter into the maintenance stage of living in recovery, you may focus more of your efforts to dealing with this. By now, you're feeling more comfortable about your day-to-day eating habits and you have many tools and people to reach for when things come up.

With the people who have been in your life for many years, there will likely be communication and relationships patterns that no longer fit with your new version of self. Now that you are more confident and comfortable speaking your mind, people may not know quite how to handle that.

Perhaps you used to be controlled by people pleasing, doing anything to avoid the guilt associated with letting someone down. Perhaps the people around you aren't ready to accept an inter-dependent relationship, rather than a co-dependent relationship with you. As you change and grow, not everyone in your world may jump on board. This is a big adjustment for everyone.

If you're not paying attention to these relationship issues, other people can easily trigger a "lapse" into unhealthy food behaviors, or even a full-blown relapse. Watch for sure-fire signs of relationship struggles, such as talking about other people's faults or wishing they would change. You will have more peaceful relationships if you remember that you can only change yourself. You are lucky enough to have these recovery tools at your fingertips – others are not as well-equipped. Practice compassion for others and healthy communication strategies that protect your recovery.

Your relationships can grow with you, if you give yourself and others the time and attention that are needed for long-lasting change.