White Picket Fence Counseling Center Newsletter Archives

When the Body is Programmed for Disordered Eating

For people with an eating disorder, “diets” don’t work. This is true whether dealing with compulsive overeating, anorexia, bulimia or other unhealthy behaviors and disordered eating such as emotional eating or food obsession. Changing what you’re doing with food is not about applying willpower or self-discipline. Sometimes there are complex biological issues underlying someone’s food behaviors.

At NEDA’s website, the National Eating Disorders Association, they outline four factors that may contribute to eating disorders. The first two are psychological and interpersonal, and today we will discuss biological factors.

There is fascinating research being done in this area. We already know that there are brain chemicals that affect hunger and digestion, and that these may be unbalanced in people who have eating disorders.

While of course we leave these research pursuits to our colleagues in the medical and scientific fields, as therapists we follow it closely, especially when working in a team approach with these other professionals.

At our center we always rule out the physiological issues first. Often our clients will need to go to their primary care physician or psychiatrist to find the right balance of medications/supplements that will restore them to balance or homeostatis.

For example, a client with depression could have a thyroid issue, low blood sugar or a vitamin deficiency. We would want that treated before we addressed the depression in therapy, or at the same time.

And then there is the nature versus nurture debate. When eating disorders run in families, as they often do, is that because everyone in the family is genetically predisposed to have an eating disorder, or because family members have learned unhealthy behaviors from each other?

It’s important to point out that just because an eating disorder is genetic or physiological, it doesn’t mean it can’t be changed, but it sometimes requires a more intensive therapeutic process, or inpatient therapy.

How to Deal With Jealousy and Sorrow

As we see all the time in our sessions at the White Picket Fence Counseling Center, relationship problems are at the heart of most eating disorders. Often the underlying angst that’s causing people to act out with food can be traced back to an interpersonal situation.

I’ve been practicing yoga for much of my life, but I recently discovered just how much yoga can be a gift for those in recovery from food addiction and eating disorders. And this includes giving us a tool for how to handle difficult people.

Last week, I revealed the first two “locks” – two types of people that we deal with, and the corresponding “keys” that we can apply. Today, we’ll talk about the final two.

First are the virtuous people, who want to tell us about all of the good things they’ve done and everything that’s going well in their lives. For some of us, this could trigger feelings of jealousy or contempt, and even thoughts of revenge or sabotage so we can take away some of these good things (and maybe keep them for ourselves, as if that was possible!).

Instead, the key to dealing with virtuous people, according to this yoga philosophy, is with sheer and utter delight – celebrating with them and being glad for their success. As I suggested last week, you might need to use the 12-step slogan of “fake it until you make it,” but I guarantee you’ll feel better about yourself and have a more peaceful day.

The fourth and final lock – the type of person that might be difficult for you to deal with – is the wicked person. Just like with unhappy people, it can be uncomfortable or even painful to be with someone who seems downright evil. You may react and want to fix the person or situation, or get away from the person as soon as possible.

The key is to detach; approach this person with disregard or indifference. It’s the ultimate practice of non-attachment and setting boundaries. Letting someone be where they are without needing to take on the emotions or the problem.

12-steps programs such as Al-Anon and CODA help people who are dealing with co-dependency and boundary issues.

By responding with friendliness, compassion, delight and disregard, we can greatly improve our relationships with others. This simple system of locks and keys can bring the peace we find in yoga and mediation out into the real world of our day-to-day lives.

Maybe it can also help us deal more compassionately with ourselves, when it’s us having the negative thoughts or doing other things we’re not proud of. Maybe today we can detach from our suffering, delight in ourselves, feel proud of ourselves and be happy for ourselves.

How to Deal With Unhappy People

In my recent studies of yoga therapy and the principles of yoga, I’ve discovered a fascinating tool that can help us deal with the difficult people.

According to this yoga concept, all of the people you will meet in your lifetime will fall into one of four categories – what they call “locks.” Each one of these can be challenging to us for different reasons.

Take happy people, for example. If you’ve feeling very unhappy yourself, or if you’re dealing with your own suffering, you may feel very out of sync with a happy person. This can feel uncomfortable and you may express that, either consciously or unconsciously, driving a wedge through the interaction.

The “key” for dealing with happy people is to greet them with joy and friendliness. If you’re not feeling that joy, try pretending. There’s an expression in 12-step recovery that suggests, “fake it until you make it.” There is also plenty of scientific evidence that laughing and smiling – even when you don’t feel it – makes you feel happier. And it definitely has a positive impact on whoever you are smiling at!

So what if you come upon an unhappy person? The temptation may be to react, try to fix the person, or even get angry at the person for being negative. With this lock, the key is compassion. Validate the person and allow them to feel what they’re feeling.

Next week, we’ll talk about the remaining two locks and their corresponding keys. Practicing these keys can help to bring peace into your daily interactions and remove the need to use food and unhealthy behaviors to distance yourself from difficult people.

Dealing With Difficult People

Much of what we deal with in counseling sessions with our clients is healing relationships. When you are recovering from food addiction or an eating disorder, difficult relationships can sometimes trigger the compulsion to relapse.

We can use food or exercise in unhealthy ways, or obsess about body image, as defense mechanisms that help us avoid dealing with people. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t given proper relationship skills growing up.

Maybe some of us learned some resiliency, but for the most part we have to constantly learn and re-learn how to navigate relationships, whether at work, in play, at home or in the community. Each lesson usually comes out of painful conflicts that are the underlying cause of our angst.

Whether you’re back in close quarters with family members over the holiday season, or dealing with difficult people at any time of year, the right tools can help you detach from the drama and stay committed to your recovery.

Though I’ve been practicing yoga for years, I’ve recently ramped up my study of yoga therapy and the principles of yoga. We’ve started a yoga therapy program at the White Picket Fence Foundation building, with more groups and classes planned for the future.

I’ve also discovered a fascinating, simple and effective concept for how to stay peaceful in all of the relationships and interactions in your daily life.

While it can seem as though we’re up against many different kinds of relationship problems, this yoga philosophy teaches that there are actually only four types of people we deal with – called “locks.” The beauty of this concept is that for every lock, there is a key!

Over the next two weeks, I’ll share about these four locks and their corresponding keys. With these four keys in your pocket, you’ll have what you need to navigate any interactions, even challenging ones, over the holidays and beyond.

The most important goal is to find peace, whether that’s through meditation, yoga, journaling, therapy, calling a friend or another tool. If we have a serene mind, we’re not in disorder or dis-ease and we don’t have to use or abuse food or our bodies because we don’t have to change the way we feel.

Open Your Mind to Meditation

I don't have a perfect meditation practice and you'll rarely find me sitting cross-legged or chanting. Yet I do have a regular spiritual practice that incorporates mindfulness and meditation. For example, I center myself each morning, and sometimes again in between clients or in between work and going home. Sometimes I take a moment for myself before making a phone call, to release whatever I might be thinking about and focus my attention on the present moment.

Meditation doesn't have to look like what you think it will. Open your mind to your own style and examine different resources and classes. At the White Picket Fence Counseling Center, we often hold free introductory classes where you can try things out before you commit.

A lot of people come to our Center to reconnect with themselves, and are surprised to realize that we incorporate so many physical modalities. As we discussed in a previous post, these physical activities can actually improve your brain chemistry, helping you to manage the stress of recovering from an eating disorder.  

You can practice mindfulness by sitting still, but you can also practice it when you're moving around, when you're having a conversation with someone. Imagine mindfully listening to another person! When is the last time you listened that way, concentrating on hearing their words and nuances, witnessing their body language, all without any inner dialogue going on about what you think or what you're going to say next?

There are different levels of mindfulness – you may need to work your up to the more traditional forms of meditation. Some stepping stones might include:

• Guided imagery
• Journaling
• Drawing
• Singing or playing music
• Stretching
• Making a collage
• Doing crafts
• Taking a walk
• Sitting quietly on a bench and watching people
• Experiencing something in beautiful in nature
• Taking a quiet moment
• Looking at art

For more suggestions, please see these previous articles:

Stillness Suggestions

How I Incorporate Spirituality into my Life

Some guided meditations instruct you to connect, mentally, with different parts of your body, for example to imagine your muscles clenching and then relaxing. For those with an eating disorder, it may feel too threatening or uncomfortable to connect with certain body parts. My advice? Start with your feet.

Most people find it safest to connect with the feet – though it's not always easy. At a recent training for MY Therapy (a combination of mindfulness and yoga therapy), when the instructor asked us to connect with our feet, we all laughed when we realized we had all looked down instead of just imagining our feet.

So open your mind to the idea of mindfulness, and find a gentle way to introduce this powerful practice into your life. You'll be amazed at the gifts you may find inside your mind.

What are the Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation? (Video)

Meditation can help you get in touch with your feelings and gain awareness of things that are going on that may be causing you stress and leading you to restrict or overeat. Therapy and meditation can both be catalysts that clear away stuff so people can resolve things themselves and self-activate.

As you'll see in this video, meditation may reveal things you don't like or aren't ready to deal with. That's why it can be helpful to have the support of a therapist, therapy group, 12-step group, sponsor or trusted friend who can help you process your experiences and feelings.

Watch the Benefits of Meditation, by Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace: 

 

Meditation can help you uncover what's going on, and talking that out in therapy or other safe settings can help you get centered and clear to make healing changes. And maybe even reach enlightenment along the way.

Three Ways to Have More Compassion for Yourself

The world can be a harsh and confusing place for people who are dealing with an eating disorder. What might be a simple task for other people, such as a trip to the grocery store, can be daunting when you are surrounded by mixed messages.

Standing at the checkout counter, a quick glance at the magazine rack shows photos of celebrities caught in unflattering poses, details of the latest quick-fix diet, while on the same cover there is a photo of a decadent dessert with the promise of the recipe inside. Every aisle is adorned with displays meant to entice us into buying things we weren’t planning to buy or to eat. This type of temptation can lead to unhealthy behaviors, which then set into motion a cycle of self-blaming and self-loathing.

When it seems like everything in the grocery store is against you, it becomes even more important to cultivate an ongoing sense of compassion for yourself. When you can acknowledge what you’re going through and every small victory you accomplish, you can help yourself heal and grow.

While I disagree with how Dictionary.com defines compassion as "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering," I do appreciate these synonyms they offered: "tenderness" and "heart".

Compassion is more about validation than pity; "I see how challenging this is for you," rather than, "You poor thing." Feeling compassion is not about feeling sorry for oneself or someone else. It's about looking at self and others through a tender heart.

Here are three ways you can add compassion into your life: 

1. HALT – This powerful slogan stands for "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired," which are feelings that can make people more vulnerable to act out in their addictions. When you become more aware of whether you are feeling one of those things, you can choose to act on that feeling, or address it using a healthier tool. It takes courage to look with integrity and truth at what’s really happening within yourself. This awareness gives you the compassion and perspective to see why you might be feeling or acting a certain way, and ask what you need to do to take care of yourself in that moment.
2. Think twice about giving in to your compulsive behavior – It's easy to feel sorry for yourself when you focus on the list of things that may not be going your way, "My friend isn't talking to me," "I had a struggle at work," "I'm not talking to anyone in my family," etc. The next thought might be to "treat" yourself or repeat a harmful behavior. Yet is it really a treat if it will damage your health and you'll feel bad about it later?
3. Question your self-talk – Notice the mixed messages and give yourself compassion for reacting to them. Release the self-criticism, shame and self-loathing that undermine your self-esteem and confidence and make you feel bad. This all just leads to wanting to eat more or restrict more.

Compassion is about being fully present with yourself, just as you are, without condemning or judging any part of your whole self. Compassion isn't a free pass or letting yourself off the hook; it's a way to focus on the solution and get yourself to the physical recovery that is so important.

The compassionate choice isn't always the easiest one. Another 12-step axiom is that "the first thought is a freebie." You don't have to act on that first thought, which will often take you back into old, unhealthy patterns and habits. You can let that first thought go and revise it into one that will lead you towards recovery.

For some, compassion can be love. For others it can be grace. What is compassion for you?

Have you been feeling stressed lately?

Stress. It’s everywhere. Like a bad penny, it keeps turning up, affecting your mood, your personality, your effectiveness, and often causing anxiety or irritability on the job, at school, or at home. It’s not a pleasant feeling when you want to enjoy life, but can’t. Wouldn’t it be nice to live your life stress free? Now you can. Through education and identification, we can help you better cope with stress and rescue you from this daily demon.

As a professional, I needed to find a way to reduce stress in my own life and studied and researched stress and methods of coping with it. That’s when I discovered SIT – Stress Inoculation Training. It is a prescribed program of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that can help individuals cope with stressful situations. This methodology helps us to better understand the nature and cause of stress in our lives and teaches effective coping mechanisms to release and cope with stress effectively.

SIT is a treatment that is flexible and can be tailored to fit your needs. The goal of SIT is to enhance your artillery of coping skills and increase your confidence in applying these skills by employing three phases of intervention:

1st Phase: Conceptual Education
2nd Phase: Skills Acquisition and Consolidation
3rd Phase: Application and Follow-through

How does SIT work?

1. Conceptual Education

The first phase of SIT focuses on enhancing awareness and understanding of what is causing your stress, how it is impacting your life, and how well you are or are not able to deal with it or cope effectively.

2. Skills Acquisition and Consolidation

The second phase of SIT helps you learn about and acquire the coping tools and the necessary skills you need to add to your current skill arsenal. In this phase, you will also learn about and rehearse the coping skills you need to combat stress so that your responses become more natural in the face of immediate stressors.

3. Application and Follow-through

The final phase of SIT provides opportunities for you to practice your newly acquired coping skills in increasingly stressful situations. We all know that practice makes perfect. It can turn a learned response into a natural habit. Through guided practice, you will become more confident and better able to handle stress naturally and effectively.

I’ve tried this on my own and with groups of individuals like you. It works! SIT is a widely successful intervention in helping us cope with stress in a healthy manner. If you are interested in learning more about SIT and want to live a happier, healthier, stress-free life, please join us in our upcoming workshop on Monday, May 7, 2012. You are welcome to call me today to set up your appointment and make this the first day in the best of your life.

Best regards to you,
Erika Bent, B.A., Graduate Student Intern
UCF Clinical Psychology Masters Program

What Does it Mean to Surrender?

"The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." – Anais Nin

Twelve step programs have many recovery tools that can be beneficial to those who are struggling with food addiction, emotional eating, anorexia, compulsive eating or bulimia. One of these valuable concepts is surrender. This admission of powerlessness is at the core of Step One, and is really the heart and foundation of 12 step recovery.

In order to make a positive change in your life, you need to have a heartfelt commitment. Everyone who comes to our office shares that they want to make changes, but they're not always at the point of true surrender. They may not have given their whole selves over to the process of change. They're not willing to experience the discomfort, stress and uncertainty – the risk of blossoming.

Twelve step programs have a saying that it's the "the gift of desperation" that often leads people into successful recovery. This happens after years of trying over and over again to change something, control something or give something up. They may succeed for a short time, yet as soon as a tricky situation comes up they go right back to their familiar behaviors.

At that point, the truly desperate will realize that they must surrender. Their way is not working.

Merriam-Webster says that by surrendering, we "cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority."

Note that this authority is not your counselor, sponsor or any other person. Some think of it as the compulsion or behavior; other see it as the food. Surrendering to this "enemy" means having a healthy respect for the seriousness of the problem and acknowledging that we're powerless over controlling it by ourselves.

Overeating and restricting food not only make people emotionally isolated and miserable, but can lead to many serious health issues and even death. Change is scary, but the consequences of not changing are even scarier.

Twelve step programs have many tools, resources and supports that can help you get to a place of surrender. Our counselors at the White Picket Fence Counseling Center can help, or we are also happy to make referrals to someone in your area.

Have patience and respect for your own time line. Some people surrender quickly, and others hold on for years. Commit to the process and stick with it – because you never know when it's going to happen for you. Another much-loved saying in the rooms of recovery is:

"Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens."

• How willing are you today to surrender your harmful eating behaviors and commit to change?
• Are you willing to let go of control?
• Are you willing to embrace something new?
• Are you willing to let go and trust the unknown?
• Are you willing to seek support from someone who's been where you are (e.g., in a 12-step program or support group)?
• Are you willing to seek support from a professional who is highly trained and experienced in helping other people with similar issues as you are facing?

Click here for a list of 12 step recovery programs and links to their websites.

A List of 12 Step Groups and Websites

• AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
• ABA – Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous
• ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics
• Al-Anon/Alateen, for friends and family members of alcoholics
• CLA - Clutterers Anonymous
• CoDA - Co-Dependents Anonymous, for people working to end patterns of dysfunctional relationships and develop functional and healthy relationships
• DA - Debtors Anonymous
• EA - Emotions Anonymous, for recovery from mental and emotional illness
• FA - Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous
• FAA - Food Addicts Anonymous      GA - Gamblers Anonymous
• NA - Narcotics Anonymous
• OA - Overeaters Anonymous
• SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous
• SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
• WA - Workaholics Anonymous

 

Make Amends to Make Your Guilt Disappear

12-step programs such as Overeaters Anonymous and Eating Disorders Anonymous contain many useful tools that any of us can use. When it comes to healing guilt, one of the best methods is found in steps 8 and 9.

Step 8 reads, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." Step 9 continues with, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

The 12-step process recognizes that guilt over our unresolved issues with people, places and institutions are what cause us to reach for unhealthy behaviors such as food addiction, emotional eating, bulimia, over-exercising and restricting.

When they feel guilty, a lot of people are quick to apologize. Unfortunately, they're just as quick to repeat whatever it is they just apologized for. There's no relief for either person, because there wasn't any action or change behind the apology.

The 12-step process of making amends goes beyond an apology, to actually changing the words or actions that harmed the other person. If we have acted out of integrity with the kind of person we wish to be, we can do something to repair the damage in a real way.

This is rarely an easy process, and that's why it requires spiritual guidance and strength. Sometimes it's not clear how to make up for what we did, and we need some extra clues or insights. Other times we may see what we have to do, but we feel afraid or reluctant to do it. We need extra strength and courage – especially if there may be consequences for admitting what we did wrong.

Whatever the situation that is causing your guilt, it's important to be thorough in the process of making amends. Otherwise you can put a cycle in motion where you keep hurting the other person or you keep hurting yourself. As part of your amends, you can create a new plan of living when it comes to that person or situation. How would you like the relationship to look and feel? How would you like to behave in the situation? What kind of person do you want to be?

In some cases, even after you've identified a person or institution that you owe an amends to, you can't do it right away. Maybe you don't have the financial means to fully repay a debt. Maybe the person you harmed has died or moved away. The important thing is to get yourself to a place of being willing to make the amends, and then find a way to do it.

A 12-step sponsor or a therapist can be very helpful during this process. This person can also make sure that you haven't slipped to the other side of the equation where you're taking on responsibility for something you haven't done, out of a sense of people pleasing or co-dependency.

Reflect on all the people or institutions you have hurt or harmed, and get yourself to a place where you're willing to do whatever it takes to repair the damage that was your part. Sometimes the action takes place right away; sometimes the action is deferred or done through someone else.

Before making amends, be sure that you have forgiven the other person for any harm they may have done to you. The amends process cannot work if you are still full of rage, resentment or defensiveness.

No matter how much love you may have in your heart when you approach the other person, you can't expect them to accept your amends or be ready to forgive you. They may not be able to do that right now and you have to accept that. You're making these amends to relieve your own poisonous, toxic guilt. You can hold your head high, no matter how the other person responds.

The biggest amends you may have to make is to yourself, for putting yourself through all of this guilt. If you can change your perspective and behaviors so they're more loving and kind – to yourself and others – that will change our relationships, alleviating our guilt and replacing it with relief and gratitude.

There are three key benefits of making amends are. First, an apology for hurting someone in the past can be a great way to build a bridge to a better future relationship with others or with oneself.

Next, it's ideal for removing the weight of guilt, shame and remorse. Finally, step 9 leads right into step 10, which is a daily reflection on how we behaved. We can use step 10 and the journaling process to clean stuff up every day so it never builds up beyond 24 hours. It's a beautiful way of living.

 

Guilt is a Four-Letter Word

Be honest. How many of your actions and decisions today were driven by guilt? Were you trying to relieve guilt that you already felt, or trying to avoid feeling guilty later?

Using guilt as a motivator starts a chain reaction that can very self-destructive. This is true for everyone, but for someone in recovery from an eating disorder, food addiction, compulsive eating, anorexia or bulimia, this pattern can compound the emotional difficulties you're already dealing with.

When you base your decisions on feelings, including guilt, you tune out rational thought, as well as the self-nurturing intuitive thought that is available by making a spiritual connection.

Let's say you agree to babysit your friend’s kids, even though you already had plans that you now have to cancel. You felt obligated and worried about how your friend might respond if you said no. You didn't think you could deal with your feelings of guilt.

By saying yes to your friend, you may have avoided the guilt, but you've put yourself at risk for feeling resentful because you gave up doing something you were looking forward to. And the discomfort of that resentment can drive you right back towards using food, weight obsession, purging or over-exercising as a coping mechanism.

What's even worse is how guilt and resentment can strain your relationships with the people whose love and support is so vital to your recovery.

If you want to stop being a slave to your guilt, you can start by getting more awareness of how it's showing up in your life. Your journal is a great tool for tracking and reviewing these notes. You can also share your writing with a therapist or trusted friend to get feedback and insights.

If you want to stop guilt in its tracks, try to do less "mind reading" or projecting your own thoughts onto others. For example, maybe you think you friend will think you don't care about her or her kids if you say so no her request.

Again, turn to your journal. Write out all the things you imagine the other person is thinking or feeling. Seeing them in black and white may help you to realize that you can't be sure whether they're true. Getting some objective feedback can help here as well.

There is nothing wrong with being a generous, giving person who does nice things for others. In fact, giving back can help you progress in your recovery. Giving also has a spiritual effect, and is one of the ways I incorporate spirituality into my life.

As with everything, balance is the key. If you're feeling out of balance, chances are that you're giving out of guilt.

Five Things That Get in the Way of Your Spiritual Connection

This month we've been discussing the spiritual piece of the recovery puzzle. For some, spirituality is an untapped resource. Once you learn about ways of accessing your own spiritual connection and make a conscious effort to do that, a whole new world is opened for you.

Sometimes, though, the path to spiritual awareness can be blocked, and the door to that spiritual world might seem locked to you.

Here is a list of five things that may keep you from making a spiritual connection:

1. Lack of sleep: Feeling tired can impair your judgement, shorten your temper and magnify your challenges so they seem impossible to overcome. In that state it's hard to remember that you have access to an inner source of wisdom, and harder still to listen to that quiet voice. Try getting to bed earlier and/or sleeping later, and practicing other good sleep hygiene habits.
2. Obsession: When your mind is so busy turning over every detail about something in the past (what you should have done or what you wish you hadn't done) or the future (what you should do next, what you're afraid to do or what you hope will/won't happen), there's no room to be open to spiritual suggestions. It's a well-known paradox that sometimes the minute you stop thinking about yourself and your own problems, solutions can magically appear. Try doing something nice for someone else.
3. Focusing on the negative: Another common theory, known as the Law of Attraction, says that whatever you focus on is what you will attract into your life. Try thinking about and showing appreciation for the positive people and things in your life.
4. Strong feelings: In a similar way, strong feelings of resentment, fear, depression, anxiety or grief can all cloud your perception. You may be sure that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling or you may underestimate your own capability. You may lack the confidence to know the difference between your own negative thinking and a message that may be from your spiritual intuition. Try speaking about your feelings to a therapist or trusted friend, or writing in your journal.
5. Using food in an addictive way: When you overeat, undereat, purge or over-exercise, it brings on all four of the previous situations, as well as many other problems. Food can create a false sense of connection, but for food addicts, anorexics, bulimics and compulsive overeaters, food actually drives a wedge between you and other people, and between you and yourself. The deeper into the addiction you sink, the farther away you feel from your spiritual connection. Getting a handle on your addictive behaviors should always be your first concern. We're here to help

If you've been trying different strategies to make a spiritual connection and you're still struggling, check which one of these five situations may be present in your life.

When People Are the Triggers

In the recovery process from an eating disorder, you'll probably start by focusing on the food and your eating patterns. Once you've worked on those things, it will be time to turn you attention to your relationships – your emotional triggers.

You may feel triggered when people start talking about weight, dieting, the newest exercise program or the foods they're eating or not eating. Well-meaning friends and relatives may ask questions about what YOU are eating or not eating, or they may comment on your appearance.

Shopping for groceries or clothing can trigger many different issues around food and weight, and food is on display pretty much everywhere you go at certain times of year like the winter holiday season. Just seeing those huge quantities of food all in one place can be terrifying for someone in recovery from food addition, emotional eating, anorexia or bulimia.

Relationship issues can pop up just as often, where TV commercials, books or other people in your life can remind you of painful situations that are still unresolved. Sometimes you can get caught off guard by a reaction that feels out of proportion, like getting really upset about someone you don't even know.

When someone triggers you, usually it's because somewhere deep down it reminds you of an interaction with your family of origin. This is another reason that we welcome triggers in the therapy process. This is a great opportunity to work through something that you wouldn't have otherwise. 

You don't have to be afraid of triggers. You can learn to understand them and deal with them – not eat over them.

 

Use a Pen to Fight Your Triggers

One of the most helpful tools in 12-step recovery programs is the daily written inventory of what you did well that day, where you could improve, and if there is anything you need to set right with an apology or other action.

This practice can be extremely useful when you're learning how to cope with "triggers" – people, situations or foods that create an emotional response. For people recovering from anorexia, bulimia, food addiction or emotional eating, the first response to being triggered is to use their unhealthy eating behaviors.

By keeping a written record of what triggers you and bringing that to a therapy session or group, you can ask for help to learn how to change your default response and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

A therapist can take you through a role play where you actually rehearse what you will say or do differently the next time that situation comes up. You may also spend time looking deeper into what it is that triggered you in the first place. That awareness can be an important element of the healing process.

Your therapist can help you create a physical symbol of recovery so you can focus on that object until the trigger passes. I've known people to use a picture created in a therapy session, a stone or shell, a word or quote, a medallion or jewelry or even a pen with their name on it. This transitional object can effectively bridge the gap between the work done with the therapist and the triggering stimuli that takes place in everyday life.

The scariest thing about triggers is anticipating them. The first step towards gaining control over them is to capture them on paper and bring them down to size. Right then – triggers begin to lose their power.